Okay, you guys, if there are any of you out there - This is no longer a blog but a list if letters to my best friend Kim.

Dear Kimberly Joy,

I love you.

And also I am bored. There's not much going on in the life of a hotel's front desk person. I'm telling you, there is nothing. I check a couple people, maybe, in. I do some laundry. Check the chemicals in our pool. Sit in front of a computer.

I sit here and think about things like putting hot cocoa in my coffee or shaving my arms and those are weird thoughts to have together, Kim. It makes my brain weird.

(Much like your viedos, I am going to say whatever comes to mind and then delete some of the crap later.)

So I'm at work, right? And there is nothing going on. I took a smoke break, I did some laundry, and now I'm back at the computer. I'd be a lot happier is the interwebs allowed me to look at Tumblr, but alas.
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-OMG KIM- I just cheked someone in. Holy crap. For a solid minute and a half I had something to do. And now, nothing. I could go fold sheets, but I hate folding sheets. I could check on the dryer.. buuuut it beeps when it's done so I dont -need- to.

I have a headache and it's right between my eyes. I want to go home, but I have to stick this out for four more hours. That's a long time is sit doing nothing. I tried reading but I can't focus and I can internet anything interesting.

4 more hours. *bangs head against wall*.

I plan on doing this the entire 4 hours, by the way. So, you know. I might start 5 random things In a row. Fuck editing shit out. I'll just make a nice long blog to you, Kim.

I'm going to go fold some sheets. UGH. But I'll be back.

_________________

I'm back.

Well. 15 minutes have passed. I finished the second to last load of laundry, so there's only one more before it is ALL done. No more. Not even for night shift or the rest of my shift.
And I still have 3.75 hours.

Ugh. No wonder Roderick wanted me to work for him. Today was supposed to be my day off. But no. Roderick called me and offered me a joint to work for him so I took it. I spent the first 3 hours of my shift high, which was fun, but I powered through all the cleaning that now there's nothing left to do. Bathrooms, windows, doors, tables, vacuuming. All done. And there's practically no one here, so I'm just bored. Chilling.

Except I'm drinking coffee, so I have a ton of energy.

Coffee, vanilla cream, and hot cocoa mix. It is delicious. You should try it.

____________________


I'm imagining myself laying upside down off the edge of a bed pulling on my cheeks and low eye lids and frowning. That is what's going on right now, Kim.


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Meh. This drink is good. And vanilla-y. I like vanilla. I have a honey suckle candle at home right now that would be good. I like candles. They smell good. I got a new laundry soap that smells like apples and springtime and it is divine. I already ate dinner at 5 because I was stoned and had the munchies and now it's seven which is my real dinner time and I have nothing to eat. Not that I'm hungry, I mean, I just ate. It's just.. what do I do when it's dinner time and I already ate? It's silly.

I want to go swimming. The pool is so tempting and the spa is so inviting and warm and bubbly and I just want to sink into it and lay there.

So I used to have this neighbor when I lived in California, right? And her name was Taylor. She had two step sisters, Nicki and Boo, who lived there that she visited. She was my friest best friend. They had a pool, and a shed that was like their play house and I used to love going over there. Her mom, Lisa, was awfully nice. Super pretty too, blond and blue eyed. Her dad Dillan was pretty nice too.

Do you like Fleet Foxes? It is a band. They have a cover of Can't Help Falling In Love and it's adorable. So I'm sitting here thinking of the people I think I've loved. Cameron, Taylor, Pat, Brian. So I'm wondering if I really did fall in love with all those people. I mean, it all felt the same, but different. The rush was there, the committment, the lust. All there. I felt a connection to these people, and I spent a lot of time thinking about the rest of my lives involving these people. With Brian, I saw him as a potential father and husband, I loved him that much. And the rejection from these people was tremendous, you know? It was all I could think about and hurt over.

I think it's in part with my Borderline Personality though. We form strong emotional connections and people don't know how to deal with them. I don't just have friends, I have best friends for life. Like you and Ashley and Sami. I hold onto these people because I genuinely love and miss them. Same with people I love romantically. I don't think it'd be the same though today. I mean, some of those were so long ago. I loved Cameron over 5 years ago. I never thought I'd love anyone that way again, but I did. I loved Brian especially. That one hurt a lot. He sort of made it seem like he cared for me back, but he was so in love with Nina. The older version of me he said. God, that hurt. And then I wrote him a letter telling him how I felt after he left and stupidly gave it to him. I cried a lot because I knew he loved Nina, not me. That maybe if I were older he'd love me. Who knows, but it was awful.

You're lucky. Your heart was only temporarily broken when you broke up with Treavor. You got him back. And he never really left. I mean, it was awful, but you go him back. I've give anything to get Brian back, even though he was never really mine.

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It is now 8:20, which means I have 2.6 hours left here. The housekeepers just called me up because their TV wasn't working. The housekeepers live here and their room smells, stereotypically, of curry. It's kind of gross and kind of sweet. I don't know how to describe it.

Also, I am now entirely sober and am kind of sleepy. I'm ready to go home and go to bed. Soon. Very soon.

I'm going to go fold MORE sheets and this will be the last load.

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I did not finish the luandry yet. Some guests came in to check the hotel out to potentially set a block of rooms for a wedding.

Exciting stuff.

My tummy hurts. Probably from the smoking and pizza

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Almost 9 now. Still nothing exciting is happening. I've been reading.. And I'm really bored so you can't mock me. I've been reading Fifty Shades of Grey and I've come to the conclusion that it is nothing but glorified porn for all the world to collectively read and fawn over. And it's not even good porn. I mean, I've seen crappy 70's porn that is less obnoxious than this. I'm no conniseiur (I butchered that word, whatever) of porn, but this shit sucks.

I still have sheets to fold that I don't want to but I need to do.

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It is now 9 p.m. The sheets are all folded. Everything is done and now I just have 2 hours left of literally no work to do. Good times.

I'm trying to think of things to tell you that won't bore you. I've been reading Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and he advice is to start writing about childhood. I told you about Taylor, she was cool. She went to year round school though, so I only saw her on her breaks.

Then my other neighbors, Matt Lizzie and Chris were cool too. I mostly played with Lizzie who was 2 years younger than me. Matt and Chris always played together and played Nintendo 64 and capture the flag. Every once in a while they'd come play outside with us and we'd stand on the hill that made up their back yard and played capture the flag. We'd play teams and we always let Lizzie's team win, otherwise she'd get upset.

Matt had really bad childhood arthritis in his neck and couldn't look all the way up. He just couldn't bend his neck that far. Chris was super cute and 2 years older than me and I always liked him. Matt was 4 years older than me and I always looked up to him. He's in med school now just like his dad, who is a doctor. I'm not sure what their mom is doing these days. She was always the nicest woman.

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Now 9:30. So close. Just an hour and a half more.

I need to shave my arms and my underarms. I mean, no shame or whatever, I just don't prefer being this hairy. My arms are covered in fuzz.

I JUST CHECKED IN ANOTHER GUEST KIM. I AM OVERJOYED AT THIS OCCASION.

I also ate a powdered dounut, which was marvelous.

I miss seeing you all the time.


And now I am posting this an hour early for you to see because apparently you couldn't find my blog, but I love you :D


Love,
Alexandra